Q & A with Brian Hom
Q & A with Brian Hom
I know that many of you will have questions about BJ’s story so I’m grateful to share my interview with Brian Hom with you.
Gina Clowes: Brian, thank you so much for talking with me. I know it must be difficult but you’ve also shared with me that you’re determined to share BJ’s story in the hopes of protecting others.
Brian Hom: Yes, and I am in a unique situation in that I have two other sons at home, BJ’s younger brothers, who also have peanut allergies. I have to protect my son’s.
GC: Let’s talk a little bit about your family’s history. Do you or your wife Kathy have allergies?
BH: No.
GC: How did you find out that BJ had food allergies?
BH: When he was two years old, he ate something that he reacted to in a restaurant with hives, some redness and swelling on his face. A few years later at preschool, he bit into a piece of candy and had another reaction. Neither time did he have breathing problems.
GC: Did he ever have to go to the emergency room for treatment of his food allergies?
BH: Oh, no.
GC: Was he prescribed an Epi-Pen?
BH: He did when he was younger, but later it seemed manageable without it. We figured an epi-pen was necessary for extreme reactions.
If I had any idea or would have seen what happened that day, I would have carried it with me. I can’t tell you how much I wish he was going to get a second chance. I never had any idea that something like this could really happen.
GC: You told me that BJ’s anaphylactic reaction in Mexico was completely different from the few previous reactions that he had. How so?
BH: His previous reactions were visible reactions on his skin. He’d get hives, and redness. He had never, ever had this difficulty breathing. This last time, he had no hives. In fact, he was completely pale.
GC: When BJ asked you for the cough drops, did you think that he might be experiencing an allergic reaction?
BH: No, no. He asked for cough drops occasionally. Looking back now though I wonder if these could have been other milder reactions that even he was not aware were allergic reactions.
GC: Had BJ ever complained before about his throat hurting as a symptom of food allergy?
BH: No, never. We were so used to see a rash on his face.
GC: What did you think when BJ asked for the cough drops?
BH: I was thinking: How could he have a sore throat? We just flew from San Jose and he was fine.
GC: What types of reactions had BJ had in the past?
BH: He would always get hives. His face would get red and swollen. We thought that this would be the way reactions would happen for him.
This [last] reaction was so dramatically different. He had no hives, or redness. Yet this time he died within minutes of finishing his last meal.
GC: Did you believe that BJ had a “mild” peanut allergy?
BH: Yes. I had heard stories of people dying but I didn’t think we were dealing with that same thing. BJ had had hives on his face once and swollen lip but we gave him Benadryl and they went away.
Now, I meet people who have kids with allergies, and I think they’re in denial about how serious it can be. Maybe I was in denial too. We never ever imagined that anything like this could happen.
GC: Do you believe you know what caused BJ’s anaphylaxis?
BH: Yes, it was a chocolate mousse dessert from the buffet. I warn families now to avoid buffets.
We only put this together later when my other son started to experience itching and swelling. He was quickly treated with an injection and some pills. (We assumed the injection was epinephrine.) BJ and my son Steven both ate the same dessert.
GC: What do you think or feel when you hear the backlash against food allergy families or accommodations for these children?
BH: Let them lose a child and see how they feel and they’ll see it differently.
It’s easy to say “My rights are being violated” because you don’t really believe it’s real and so you don’t understand the reason for the accommodations.
GC: How are you and your family doing?
BH: It’s so painful. My sons are sad, sometimes angry, sometimes scared.
There is not a day that I don’t think about him. My wife and I are heartbroken. We visit him every week at the cemetery. The lifelong living without your child and having to bury them. You don’t want your worst enemy to have to experience this.
GC: Are your sons being given appropriate accommodations in school?
BH: Yes, they are. Thank you. And we feel better about that now.
We planted a tree and put a memorial there to Brian James Hom II and we had the plaque state that he died of an allergic reaction to peanuts. We want people to know.
GC: What are your hopes for the future?
BH: That there is going to be a cure. That nobody out there has to die from a peanut allergy or a food allergy.
GC: Your family’s story is heart-breaking. I know it can’t be easy to talk about this. Why do you do it?
BH: I think of him constantly so whether I talk about it or not, it is always there. If telling my story will help someone else, I want to do that.
Sharing this story and having it happen are so different. This shouldn’t have to happen.
GC: What would you like to share with other parents?
BH: In this case, the loss of my son to peanut allergy and witnessing his death in front of our eyes was horrific. We were totally helpless.
I still remember like yesterday being by his side in the delivery room with my wife when he was born and I will always remember being by his side with my wife when he died. The total pain, and sorrow of setting up the funeral services and burial within days of his death were unbearable.
Now, I have to do everything in my power to protect my younger sons. Their brother died so that these guys can live. It is a lesson learned for us and for them. We live daily with the loss but if I can prevent this from happening again to anyone, anywhere, I want to do that.
September 7, 2010 @ 9:50 am
First of all, i am deeply sorry for the loss of BJ. My two year old son has a milk allergy.We were at a restaurant when he grabbed a muffin and bit it. It had milk and or butter in it. He immediately started having the redness around his mouth and began saying my mouth hurts. Then he said my throat hurts. He started pulling at his ears and grabbing his neck. I picked him up and in the bathroom of the restaurant injected an epi-pen in his leg. His symptoms subsided immediately. We took him to the emergency room where he was further treated with benadryl and steroids. This scenario could have been much worse if i had not known of his allergy and had not had the epi-pen with me. On another note, My son jumped when I injected the epi-pen and it tore his leg. He had to have three stitches put in his thigh. Now I know that is someone is available I should have them hold his leg steady while I inject. I think we should have lessons in using these pens when they are given to us.Thankfully, it saved my son’s life! the scar is a cosntant reminder of how severe allergies are and they should not be taken lightly!
September 7, 2010 @ 10:45 am
It is very hard to read of the pain Brian’s family is going through, now that he is not with them anymore.
I also have very severe reactions to peanuts, fish, and milk. I have, also, severe reactions from smelling fish and peanuts.
I never get hives, burt do have swelling and breathing problems, always. I get very ill from any of the allergic reactions. I have to avoid so many situations - most all restaurants, large crowds (if someone has eaten peanuts or fish, I can smell this on them), and I need to read all labels on packaged or processed foods.
If I get an allergic reaction, I take Atarax to help the symptoms. I have to continue to take this until all symptoms are gone, otherwise all the symptoms return. Always a very hard situation.
I wish there was something I could do to help any child that has to go through this.
I’m not sure if many people have the problem I do, where the smell of the food affects them, but I hope to make them aware that this can happen. I don’t wish it on anyone, but it helps to avoid those situations - if possible.
O don’t carry an epi-pen - my doctors want me to come to the emergency room if necessary, instead - but after reading about Brian, I think this would be of tremendous help in an emergency situation.
September 7, 2010 @ 11:05 am
Thank you for telling your story. I’m so sorry this happened to you and your family. I know I don’t fully understood the pain you feel from losing your child and I wish I could help make it easier for you. I hope in some small way hearing how grateful we are for your willingness to share your story and for reminding us to keep advocating and to be more understanding you will be able to find some peace in your hearts.
My son is now 15 and extremely allergic to peanuts and most tree nuts. He has experienced anaphylaxis and anaphylactic shock. He knows the dangers and has been completely responsible for the past 10+ years. Our biggest challenge and threat comes from families with food allergies who have never experienced an extreme reaction and often stand as examples of how little needs to be done or understood to support someone with life threatening food allergies; putting those more severe at great risk when the disbelief from their actions begins to set in a school or community. Your story will, no doubt, save lives. Thank you from so many of us.
My thoughts are with you and your family. Peggy Mockett
September 7, 2010 @ 11:34 am
My deepest condolences Brian, may you find comfort and peace in your tragic loss! I appreciate how difficult it may be to share this story , but also feel such gratitude that you have! I too have a son with peanut allergies, JB. He has had 4 pretty bad reactions so far in his 9 years of life; the first two reactions were when we found out that he was allergic to those certain allergies. The other two were because friends and teachers didn’t realize or remember about his allergy and gave or exposed him to peanuts. Luckily we were able to get help in time. However I experience something similar to your story; those last two times JB didn’t have the redness or the hives that he usually did when exposed to peanuts, his symptoms were simply a sore throat and coughing! It was as if he went from being perfectly healthy to a bad cold within minutes! It took a while to figure out what was going on with him, so a trip to the ER via an ambulance and I now know to look for those symptoms to arrive first. THANK YOU, for sharing your story so that more people are aware of this happening. I have scheduled time in my son’s class this upcoming week to talk to the kids in his class about allergies, if I may, I would like to share BJ’s story very quickly as an example of how serious this is. Again thank you for your willingness to share your story!
September 7, 2010 @ 12:13 pm
My deepest sympathy to you and your family. My daughter has a peanut allergy, and we live in fear that this could happen to us. A few months ago, I read a story about airlines considering the elimination of peanuts from flights, and then I read the dozens of hateful comments following the story. Many, although not all, expressed the feeling that people with allergies should just stay home and not impose their problems on others. It’s very discouraging that people feel that a peanut allergy is just an inconvenience, and that the rest of the world should not be “inconvenienced” by someone with allergies. Some even said “If you can’t be around peanuts, then don’t fly.”
I think we need to be doing more to educate all parents about life threatening allergies, and I think FAAN needs to get into ALL schools nationwide to eliminate allergens. Next, the airlines. We’re banning smoking because of possible cancers due to second hand smoke. Why not peanuts?
September 7, 2010 @ 12:27 pm
My heart goes out to you and your family. It is unspeakable and I cannot imagine what life is like now that this has happened. I am at a loss of words, my deepest sympathies to you and your family.
My son has a Life Threatening Nut Allergy. We found out when he was 3 yrs. old and had an Anaplylactic Reaction. As of that day, our family has lived with the fear of his Food Allergy. Anaphylaxis happened within seconds to minutes of him eating a piece of cashew! My son is now 9 and still remembers that traumatic day. We have carried an EpiPen ever since and also provide one to his school clinic. To me, it is extremely scary when I hear of another family dealing with Food Allergies such as peanuts and still let their kids eat M & M’s. It’s like an injustice to Food Allergies. This confuses the public on the seriousness and truth of Food Allergies for people like my son which makes life even scarier when our son is out of my sight. I hear so many times that people do not believe that Food Allergies are real! I wonder all the time why I have to fight for NO FOOD POLICIES in school for his protection. Also, no one seems to talk about the Bi-Phasis stage of an Analphylactic Reaction which is very important to be aware of. But overall what is scary is when someone does have a Food Allergy and compares or figures that if theirs isn’t serious or handled lightly then you are in the same situation. Unfortunately, this is not true. I wish people would be more educated about the differences in Food Allergies and Food Intolerances so that kids like my son won’t be mistaken as not having a Life Threatening Food Allergy.
By sharing your story, I know that you will save a life - and “Thank You” for opening yourself up and helping out our Food Allergy Kids!
September 7, 2010 @ 12:43 pm
My condolences to this strong family. My 18 year old son has severe peanut allergy. He went off to college a few weeks ago and I feel like it is when he went to kindergarten all over again. He is educated about his allergy and knows how important it is to keep the Epi-Pen with him at all times, but I have to remind him sometimes still. He promises to keep it with him always but as a parent I worry and pray each day. Thank you to this family for sharing their story and I can’t put into words my extreme sympathy for them. We must all remain soldiers in the fight to increase awareness and understanding. So many times I get backlash from people who do not understand, just last month at a golf tournament when peanuts were added to every participants bag. There are so many more choices that could have been made.
September 7, 2010 @ 2:16 pm
To the Horn Family- our prayers are with you all!! We also have a son who is allergic to peanuts, tree nuts. When he was two years old we found out about it because he had a peanut butter cookie. We have lived in constant fear of him having a reaction. We are always asking restaurants, fair vendors, everyone what kind of oil is used for cooking, do they wash in between servings, it is unbelievable how callous some people can be!! Thank God for FAAN!! But we must make our schools safer for our children. The fear will never go away, we have to teach them how to take care of themselves and always carry the epi-pen with them. Thank you for sharing you tragic story. I can’t even imagine how your life has changed. God Bless you all.
September 7, 2010 @ 6:15 pm
To the Horn Family- our prayers are with you all!! our condolences to you and your family. We have two children and both have already had anaphylactic shocks. Our daughter was 22 months old when she had an anaphylactic shock to fish (which I had prepared), I didn’t even know what was happening, we called for an abulance and thank God her own adrenaline kicked in and she came back after some minutes. We then had her tested for food allergies and then discovered she is also allergic to all fish, all nuts, eggs, kiwi, sesame and all legumes. We have an epipen where ever she is. Now she is 4 and half and just started school, I am so scared and worried that I am not there with her. Our son now 2 half also had an anaphylactic shock at 26 months of age, when he ate a small piece of beef. I quickly realized that he was having a shock and I used my daughter’s epipen to help him (as he was already fainting), we immediately called for an ambulance stating anaphylactic shock and they were here within 5 minutes. We had him tested and he is allergic to beef, all nuts, wheat, eggs, and dairy. We really believed that if we had not used our daughter’s epipen, he would have been either brain damaged or not here anymore. Now we also have an epipen for him and I carry 4 epipens at all times. Epipens do save lives. Food allergies are a real situation, and many people do not understand how serious it can be.
God bless your family and may he give you strenght.
September 7, 2010 @ 7:19 pm
Thank you for sharing your tragic story with all of us. My heart goes out to you at this very difficult time. We also have a son who is allergic to peanuts. In fact, our 14 year old son has multiple life-threatening food allergies. He is allergic to all poultry, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, seafood, shellfish, and peas. It is extremely difficult for parents of classmates to understand the severity of his allergies. It is also difficult to find a safe place to stop and eat when traveling with him. We often need to stay with the basics and just give him fresh fruits and vegetables along with a piece of plain pork or beef. Even then, we have to worry about cross-contamination. Our child carries an Epi-Pen twin pack with him at all times (just in case one would mis-fire) and also has several twin packs at school located in each of the different buildings (there are 4 at his high school). We must strive to make our schools safer for our children. Your story is sure to help protect others. Thank You & God Bless.
September 7, 2010 @ 7:52 pm
Dear Brian,
I am so so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I will pray that God will continue to strengthen you and your family. You have helped so many people already with your story. My son is 5 and has had severe diary and egg allergies. He started kindergarten this year and it was a huge step to let him our of our sight. The more we can tell others just what can happen the more we can help our little ones. I pray too that your younger sons stay safe and those around them continue to be proactive. Thank you for sharing with others what has happened. It means so much to all of us who struggle with various food allergies. May God bless you and your family.
Bridget Perkins
September 7, 2010 @ 11:21 pm
What a tragic story and every allergy sufferer’s parents worst nightmare.
My daughter suffers from multiple food allergies. We moved to from one city to a neighboring town because the schools were very allergy aware and virtually peanut free (I think in a few short years all the schools here will be completely peanut free) But on days that humus is severd in the lunch room my child eats in the nurses office because she is anaphalactic to sesame.
My niece also suffers from severe food allergies. Peanut is at the top of the list. My brother had a very hard time at his school convincing them of the severity. They did not see the harm in having a child eat a pbj sandwich in the same room as his allergic daughter. They thought as long as she did not touch it, she would be fine. So he used this analogy to drive home the point: he told them that the next day his daughter was going to bring a gun w/ the safety on to the classroom and leave it on her desk. If nobody touched it, nobody would get hurt. They (teachers & administration) thought he was going over the top. But he continued his point- he said, “my child is not going to eat some other kid’s sandwich, but should she come into contact w/ peanut butter that is on a shared surface or in the air, it will kill her. You are putting her at just as much risk as a gun in the classroom would. It might not go off, but if it did someone could die.”
After discussing the matter w/ district lawyers they did make her room peanut free but gave parents the opition of switching classes in case they did not want to give up peanut butter sandwiches. 3 kids left.
What we really need to find out as a society is 1) Why the sudden increase in peanut and other food allergies? 2) How can they be cured?
BTW- I never let my daughter eat anything that was not made in our own kitchen. If we go to a resteraunt, we bring her own food and explain the allergy issue. Most places are fine w/ it because even with the best precautions there is ALWAYS a cross-contamination risk factor.
September 8, 2010 @ 1:41 am
My heart is with you, Hom Family. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I keep hearing about the wonderful research they are doing for peanut allergies, but they are all confined to the in-patient setting due to the risks of anaphylaxis during the research of serving even a fraction of 1% of a peanut. However, it may be years or decades before any cures become available to the public like us. In the meantime, it is so important that the public be educated about food allergies. My son has been allergic to nuts since 13 months old, and we carry his Epipen everywhere (plus at school). Your story inspires me yet again to be more hypervigilant than than just plain vigilant. God Bless you and your family…